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Tragic Prelude [entries|friends|calendar]
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NEW JOURNAL [Saturday| June 23rd]
Well I Got A new Journal~
flyawayballoon
0 | CMNT

[Sunday| May 27th]
Its takeing everything in my power NOT to turn to my old comfort...
its proveing to be rather difficult to resist it calling out to me...
I want the realse so bad...but I dont want to give in and feel worse about it afterwards...
this consnstant onslaught of people and things hurting me is begining to become overwhelming almost unbareable...
I need a realease...I need to turn to something to dull and ease this feeling....
0 | CMNT

Closure [Tuesday| May 15th]
[ mood | apathetic ]

Well I finally have closure to the end of the relationship
that for the first time in a long time actualy made me happy.
Everything that came out of his mouth was a lie, the pictures
weren't really him, and god knows what else was a lie.

Ive seen the truth now, and its actually better then what I fell in love with
I just wish things had been different.

Yes it still hurts, and yes I miss what we had, but I think its time to move on
to take this and mend the hole and start again...I dont think Ill ever forget what I feel inlove with because he seemed so perfect and yet so tragic...
and I cant love the truth because it hurts to know it was all a lie...
But moveing on is all that I can do...and I think I`m finally ready for it.

0 | CMNT

[Sunday| April 8th]
Well the island of paradise
was struck with an earthquake
and was distroyed...
4 | CMNT

[Sunday| April 1st]
Six months down the drain...
I feel sick...and disgusted...
4 | CMNT

"When everything's made to be broken...I Just Want You To Know Who I Am" [Wednesday| March 28th]
[ mood | depressed ]

These last few weeks have been...crazy...
I met a boy...who even thou liveing thousands of miles away...
makes me the happiest ive been in a long time...
I love him more then I have loved someone in a long time...
and he makes me want to be a better person in life...
We`ve been dating for over a week now..
The only bad part is...well hes HIV+...
And it scares me...He just gets sicker...
and Im really afriad that Ill still be with him
when the day comes when hes told...hes got the final stage...
I do love him...alot...Im not sure How im gonna be able to handel this...

Ive also been talking to this other guy, who has AIDs...and has come
to terms with it...and we`ve been talking alot...about life and
such things...and how theres so many things that went wrong in his life
and how even thou things have been rough for him...hes still found happiness
in love...
We were talking to night about knowing about the end...and how hes come to terms
with the fact that theres so much in life he wants to do like raise a family and grow old with somone...but he knows hes never gonna have the chance to do those things...
and it got me thinking about how I take alot of things in life granted...
and how hes liveing to the best he can...

These two awsome guys have sucessed in breaking down the facade Ive had in place for a while...the have managed to break me down and make me relize that Im human...and that I shouldnt take things for granted....
these two men...make me wanna strive to be a better person...

Ive cried more in the last week then i have in a long time...
and its quite the catharsis...ive been holding it all in for so long that
I forgot what it was like to feel...
4 | CMNT

Quotes And Thoughts And An Old Blog That Still Has Meaning... [Sunday| March 11th]


"I don't want to start thinking again. Not like I have this last week.
I can't think again. Not ever again .I don't know if you've ever felt
like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just
not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like
that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like
this. That's why I'm trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning."
************

This quote summerizes how I feel...
Everything Ive known is fucked
and I when I think about things it makes me feel
worse and I try to find away to stop thinking about it
but I cant and the thoughts get more intense
and all i know how to do is
Cry...and break down
************

Its seems lately, that I'm scareily alone in the world of billions of people.
I`ve lived each day the same way, spending the day entirely alone and by myself...and thats never good for someone like me

When I`m alone all the time, I tend to spend ALOT of time thinking and dwelling on thoughts, Not just good ones, but bad ones I used to have and ones that dont always have a positive reaction. It scares me...I dont want to be in that place I was not to long ago...That scary place, Where each day I dread wakeing up because I know that the pressures and hurt will come crashing down and wipe out the dreamland I wish I could live in all the time...

Im trying to not return to some bad habits...some terrible habits that make me feel like a usless, goodfornothing person. I hate looking at my arm and seeing all the past scars, the initials I wish I never carved...I hate being in that point of my life...but I feel as if I`m slowly slidine back into it and it scares me because this time could be the last..

0 | CMNT

Its Been Awhile. [Tuesday| March 6th]
Ive neglected to let you know whats going on in my head.
And neglected to let you know what going on in my world.

And to be honest...Its a scary place...Scarier then its ever been.
And Im not sure how I feel about that...Im perpetually scared myself

I guess there isnt much to say other then Im unhappy and depressed as usual
and there no ending in sight. All i can do is close my eyes and hope it to pass.


ps: My hearts stoped beating....
3 | CMNT

So Yeah [Sunday| November 12th]
I Havent Updated In A Long Ass Time...
Not Much To Say, Same Shit Different Day...
Nothing New, Same Old Love Story With The Same Old Tragic Ending.
End.Of.Story




ps: Fall Out Boys New Song > You
0 | CMNT

Fuckina [Friday| October 20th]
The United States has just passed a bill that threatens the Bill of Rights entirely:



|-> revoke habeas corpus
|-> create a secret committee appointed by Bush and Rumsfeld that has the power to declare any person - even a US citizen - to be an enemy, instantly depriving them of their legal rights. There will be no appeal allowed.
|-> allow police to search through your home without a search warrant
|-> end protection of prisoners of war under the Geneva Conventions
|-> give George W. Bush amnesty for any war crimes he has committed
|-> allow for people to be put on trial in front of a kangaroo court military tribunal, even if they aren’t in any military, and have not engaged in military attacks against the USA
|-> allow the government to convict people of crimes on the basis of secret evidence that the accused never sees
|-> make it legal for the government to use testimony extracted through torture
|-> end the legal right to be protected from forced self-incrimination
|-> allow the government to imprison people without telling them what crimes they are being charged with
|-> remove the right to cross-examine witnesses
|-> allow for the records of trials to be kept secret from the American public
|-> enable trials to begin even before a thorough investigation of the alleged crime has taken place
|-> take away the right to a speedy trial, allowing people to fester behind bars without being charged of any crime

[Edit]
And there is still atleast aother 96 pages of things the bill does
0 | CMNT

Metal Meets Body. [Saturday| August 26th]
I Finally Got It Done...
PicturesCollapse )


Whatya think?
1 | CMNT

Niiiice [Thursday| August 24th]
I dont know anything anymore, My minds fucked up
my lifes fucked up, my plans fucked up

I have no clue when im getting my tattoo or my tounge pierced
no clue when im gonna find a new job because I hate the one I have
i just dont know anymore...
0 | CMNT

[Wednesday| August 23rd]
Yeah so today is my B-day...

Its just turned out to be a marvoulous day...

I cant stop thinking about Him...I want that part of my life to just die...
I HATE my job, Ive come home EVERYNIGHT in PAIN on the vere of tears.
I dont like the people I work with, I did not apply to be the Scrub Man.
2 seconds after I walked in the door and punched in, I was sent out to clean the dineing room and play room, which means sweep the floor, scrub the tables, wipe down the drink station, orginize the drink station, bring the stacks of dirty trays back to the kitchen to be cleaned, then I had to WASH ALL THE DOOR GLASS...and then I was allowed to take orders, which I immedeatly fucked up, 6 Credit Card payments...IN A ROW...My manager got mad, sent me out to clean AGAIN...He called in the District Manager, SHE was pissed...I finished cleaning and things settled down, I was able to take a few more orders with out a hitch, Then we had to do pre-closeing cleaning....

I hate it...why cant i just drop dead on the spot...things would be SOOO much better...


"Here lies Robby Tragedy, He died the day of his 18th Year"...
3 | CMNT

"Welcome To Burger King, Would You Like To Try A Value Meal?" [Sunday| August 20th]
[ mood | Angry And Tired ]

"Welcome To Burger King, Would You Like To Try A Value Meal?"

First day of work at the BK Lounge was, needless to say, Interesting, I Worked an 8 hour shift with a half hour break, Working: Drive-Thru, Front Reg. And Cleaning Up. We closed at 11:30, But of course, at 2 mind before we close, We got an order that required a new batch of food because we had put everything away. AND THEN we had to clean//stock//storage and final check of everything. so I got aout at about quater past Midnight.

I Am To Tired To Sit Here And Read Thought My Friends Page...Sorry...Ill Do It In The Morning...

And There Goes My Getting My Tounger Pierced...I CANNOT WEAR ANY JEWLERY OR PIERCING, No Nose No Nothing Except Ears, And That Have To Be Posts...So IM PISSED And I Wanna KILL Somone...Im Getting My Tattoo Next Weekend And They Can KISS My Ass If They Wanna Say Shit About It...
"12:47 Is Your Total Please Drive Up"


[Schedual- Up Til 8/23/06]
Sat; 8/19→3:30 - Close(11:30)
Sun; 8/20→5:00 - Close
Mon; 8/21→_OFF OFF OFF
Tues; 8/22→5:00 -Close
Wen; 8/23→_OFF OFF OFF

0 | CMNT

Shakespeare Had It Right [Wednesday| August 16th]
To be, or not to be: that is the question...Collapse )

Today, I Got A Letter From Justin, The One I Often Ramble About In This journal, About How I Loved Him More Then He Knew, And Contiualy Hurt Me, Not Only Emotionaly But With His Words And How He Treateted Me At Times...But He Has Be In Training School Since November Of Last Year,And It Seems To Have Done Him Good...I Want To Try Being Friends With Him Again...I Miss The Days We Used To Have Of Just Sitting Around And Talking About Shit, And Having Intellectual COnverstaitons, He Was A Smart Kid, But Not Many People Saw His Brains, They Saw The Touble Maker And The Low Life That He Presented To People...Hes Getting Out Of TS On Sunday (the 20th), And He Wants Me To hang Out With Him At This Party He's Having...I Want To Go, But At The Same Time Im'm Afraid...Im Trying To Get Over Him, The Way I Felt About Him, But At The Same Time, The Feelings Are Coming Rushing Back...And I Dont Wanna Hurt Again, I Dont Wanna Be In Pain...Fuck I Dont Even Know If He Still Is Bisexual Like he Was Before, They Say Training School/Juvie/Prison Can Change A Man...I Dont Want A Changed Justin, I Want The Old Justin, The One I Knew And Loved...And Herein Lies My Dalema...Should I Give In And Try A Friendship Again, But Not Sing In To Deep Incase Things Go Aray And I Can Stop Things And Get Away From Them, Or Completely Disregaurd His Attemps And Ignore Everything Ive Ever Had...
8 | CMNT

Woot [Monday| August 14th]
[ mood | excited ]

Well quick little update...

My 18th B-day is in like 9 days...I cant wait. I start work soon, which means MONEY comes my way soon...Im getting my toung peirced in like 2 weeks and Im getting my tattoo in like 2 weeks, becuase my dad talked to my uncle (the tattooing one) and he said he would tattoo me after my b-day...so Ill be getting my 6 stars (3 on each wrist) soon and Ill have me new peircing and a job all within the next few weeks WOOT WOOT

0 | CMNT

I Can Feel You Pull Me Down, [Friday| August 11th]
[ mood | Fearful ]

Last minute update before I hop into bed...

I have a fear. I fear that when its night-time,late at night and its pitch black in my house and the only light is the eerie, dim street lights outside, as I walk past my blindless downstiars living room windows, that I will she His face peering in at me, watching to see if I notice him there, trying to get my attention. I also fear, that I will sit up in bed one night after wakeing from a dream, to find His face glearing in my 2nd floor bedroom window, because he can scale my porch posts and get on to the porch roof, and sit at my window.

It hoestly scares the hell out of me because I loved him once, and to be perfectly honest, I may still love him, But I cant, I dont want to love him anymore...The thought of him being able to look into my windows and watch me, scares the bajesus out of me...

Am I being irrational? dumb?

6 | CMNT

[My Rip Cage Rattles With Each Sobing Breath] [Wednesday| August 9th]
[ mood | Depressedx10000 ]

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME
WHY DO I SUDDENLY BURST INTO TEARS AT THE LITTLES OF THINGS
IM SO ON EDGE LATELY...I THINK I HAVE OFFICALLY HIT A POINT
OF AN EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN...I GUESS THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR BOTTELING
ALL MY EMOTIONS UP AND NOT VENTING THEM...

IS THIS HOW GROWING UP IS SAPOSED TO FEEL?
AM I SAPOSED TO WANT TO NEVER FEEL AGAIN?
AM I SAPOSED TO WANT TO CRAWL UNDER A ROCK
AND NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY AGAIN?...

FUCK...IVE BEEN CRYING RANDOMLY THE LAST FEW WEEKS...
IVE BEEN REMENISANT...IVE BEEN MOODY
IVE BEEN CONFUSED AND HESITANT
HE'LL BE GETTING OUT SOON, DO I WANNA DO THAT TO MY SELF AGAIN?
CAN I POSSIBLY TAKE ANYMORE HURTING, ANYMORE SCARS ANY MORE HEARTBREAK

OH IF EVER I BELIVED IN GOD, THIS WOULD BE WHERE I WOULD NEED HIM...
BUT ALACK I DO NOT...

0 | CMNT

Its The End Of The World As I Knew It... [Saturday| August 5th]
Well that point of life where people reflect on things and make a decision.

Over the last few weeks I've been reflecting on that last few years of my life, reflecting on the actions I've taken and the choices I've made.

For those of you who have known me over the last few years or even in the last year or so, know that well I didn't make the best decisions, and I didn't do the best things. For those of you who are curious as to what I am talking about, Ill give a short synopsis:

Read more...Collapse )

I'm glad I made the change, and I would love if this inspired others, doubt it did...but I thank you for reading this LONG as thing.

With love,
Rob..
0 | CMNT

NEW JOURNAL [Saturday| August 5th]
[ mood | awake ]

Yup, This My New Journal...I Was liarinmyplace but I needed to change...Add Me If You Want To ♥

0 | CMNT

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